Pins and needles all morning trying to figure out if it passed. Everyone else is throwing a fit about the election results. I'm too young to vote by mere weeks, but I've still got my opinion on that- naturally. The fact that Obama won isn't what's making my stomach drop out, my throat knot and me in general at a loss for fucking words.

I can't even tell the rest of my house or call my friends to complain, because I can't speak. I literally haven't been able to open my mouth since I read the article. A simple "it passed" would be enough of an explanation, but I'm positive that I'd break down in tears if I was actually able to say that; and it's hard enough to fight that already. I just keep staring at the fucking page wondering why the hell I live here and whether or not this country is ever going to open it's fucking eyes.

Screw the election. Proposition 8 passed in California? Fuck.

There's been a change in Livejournal policy in regards to role-player journals. I'm sure some of you have already heard about this, but I can't see any harm in posting it up to make sure everyone gets a chance to see it. Disclaimers are now required in the profile and journal section of your RP journal. If one of your journals is tagged for it, they'll give you 72 hours to put the disclaimer up, but they're asking everyone to put on up now. There's an example disclaimer in the policy if you're iffy about coming up with your own. Feel free to re-post this to make sure all your RP friends see it <3

Impersonation

Lifted from: http://stickyxoxo.livejournal.com/115611.html

In response to heat they're getting from the American Family Association, Proctor & Gamble is conducting a phone poll to see if people are for or against the Luke/Noah storyline on As The World Turns. Even if you don't watch the show, please consider taking a quick moment to support boy kissing and thwart homophobic bigotry. The poll is completely automated. You don't have to talk to anyone. And it really does take all of a second to register your opinion.

Just call 1-800-331-3774

Listen to instructions then Press a number to get to the ATWT poll, then Press a number in Support of the storyline.

You can also press a number to get to the MTV & BET poll, then pressed 2 in support of continued advertising on these beleaguered stations. (Evidently an organization called 'Enough is Enough' is stirring up some sort of ruckus about whatever they found offensive (no!) on MTV or BET)

It takes a second to do, and a few more seconds to pass this along!!
(Don't forget mass-emailing, too!)


"Share your thoughts" form here:
http://www.pg.com/getintouch/syt.jhtml

The show's official website gives this contact address:
pgpwebmaster@televest.com

I'm not supposed to drugs. Second hand smoke is a bitch, as made obvious by that little bitchfest we had after I stood out with someone during their smoke break between classes. He's cute, he's funny, he's cool to my friends, we listen to the same music, he'll take me on a date to teach me how to skateboard instead of the boring movies and dinner shit all the other guys going. I'm not gonna call him again because he's too far into drugs for a relationship to be a healthy decision.


If I picked up a cigarette then I'd have the unreasonable groundation period of most likely my entire school semester. If I get drunk, I'll be that tiny spot squished into the carpet.

So when I get upset when two people I love so much casually say "I'm going out for a cigarette, you wanna come?" I honestly don't think it's that unreasonable. You might as well say "I'm gonna go spin around outside and fire a gun off, wanna come?" It's just icing on the cake when one of you starts rambling about the harmful effects of smoking, how that one cigarette could be the one that gives you cancer, and how you're really thinking about quitting. Then you decide not to and I'm somehow a bitch when I  get upset. It's fucking ridiculous.

It's not my fault he hates you, I didn't tell him to do it. I'd hate you too if you swiped me from my friend, held onto me tight and didn't let them have me back. That's not why he hates you though. Skelly hates you because you yelled at me. If you want Skelly to like you, then you should try not being icky.

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Alright, so a really good friend told me that writing in a journal might help me out. I hate writing, with a pen/pencil/ink pen, you name it I hate it. Typing? I can type for hours and hours, literally. LiveJournal, right? lol, I'm always giving advice and trying to help everyone else out, I might as well take some, here goes... Take 1 random thoughts...

I'm slowly realizing that I'm not gonna be able to take one of my cats with me when I move out. Marie couldn't be more please with following me around the world and back if I so choose to take the trip, but her mommy? Naw, Blazey ran away from wherever she was when she was a baby, and showed up in a barn at about six months old in dire need of food. Thus I got my first cat. She's a farm cat. She loves the stalk around fields, lounge around a hay loft and can't really stand people. I've had her for three years give or take, and she's just starting to adjust to my family. Really adjust I mean, because now she lets everyone from my dad to my youngest sister pet her, if she's in the mood. She's still not worlds best lap cat, but she has decided she likes everyone here. So I'm pretty sure that the idea of moving to an apartment won't settle well with her. That's alright I guess, because I can still come see her and my other cat'll follow me around to my hearts content.

Yesterday was odd. I go from getting little to no attention from the majority of my peers in college, since they're mostly about four years older than me at least, to seeing everyone I know in one day. One of my friends ended up there late, which was great after I didn't get to spend the hour with her earlier after my first class because mom took me out driving (going in for my license tomorrow... why does everyone keep asking if I'm excited? QUICK! Stop me before I start rambling.. *makes note to continue later*) and I got to talk to her and stuff. She's really sweet, and she's got one of the softest voices I've ever heard. It all goes along great with her gages and three lip rings, lol. Anyone who knows me well enough... I'm vague here 'cause it's somewhat private, but yeah, she's four years older than me, so hush.

There's this kid in my English class, Ryan. My friend decided we get to call him Edward, after Edward Cullen in the Twilight Series. Edward's a vampire who's very anti-social toward most people and especially this girl in the beginning of the book. Ryan will listen to me ramble on the way out of class, Nod or shrug to any question I ask, make a point of opening every single door for me and wait on the way out of the building, and then walking off without every saying a word. He smiiiled at me. Not just a passing smile at something someone else had said, the room was dead silent because my teacher was reading over someone's paper with them, and I just happened to glance over at Ryan's cute self and he smiled. Then, I was exiting my ASL (American Sign Language) class and I waved goodbye, and this guy winks at me instead of saying good bye. Winking=Bad for serious. I mean, smile at me and I'll smile back, flirt with me and I'm pretty good at snorting at you or flirting back. Winking? I dunno, it blows some circuit in my brain. It's like *Wink*=ASKDLJADMML wtf!? before I start smiling like an idiot. So I left the room faster than I usually would have, and grinned the whole way home.

License. I failed the first time. Why? Because I nearly pulled into oncoming traffic at a meridian. Yeah, I guess they fail you for pulling into oncoming traffic nowadays, sticklers. So, I'm going in tomorrow and everyone keeps telling me I should be excited. Riiight. Yes! I'm excited as hell to go take a driving test that I have a 50% chance of failing. Geniuses... lol, If I get my license, then I'll be fucking as excited as hell. Apologies in advance to everyone who gave me their cell# because I will be calling most of you and texting those of you I can't call, to rave and squeak and squeal. Major excitement to pass, but no I am not excited to take the road test.

So, my English teacher actually gave me my papers back to correct, and I think I'll go do that now. My disc drives are down, anybody else aware of that? Yeaaaah, they crashed, but I ripped my new Coheed&Cambria CD onto mom's comp and had her e-mail it to me. So I'll have that to listen to while I work on my papers.

Mom thinks I should be an English teacher XD, lol. She says writing is the only consistent thing I've been interested in for a long time, and I seem to really enjoy working in the English field. Sooo, there's a possible major? Teaching Major with a bachelors in English or vice versa? It's a plan, and considering I'm a Junior, I'm supposed to be coming up with more of those.

This was actually pretty helpful, and I could probably ramble all day rather than getting pissed off at an actual 'writing journal' because my hand writing sucks. Kudos to my glorious friend who suggested this, It probably will be helpful. Plus there's a private button I can select if I really feel a need to rant about something. Kisses and <3's to you all, and wish me luck on my drivers exam.

Alright, here goes.
RPing. If you RP with me, you probably know that I love to RP and I love writing the characters I do and getting into character, etc. LARP, Computer Role-Playing Games, AIM RP, and especially board role-playing. Love it. So it does upset me and stir things up a little in "me world" when I can't. When I can't get on and talk to people I've made close friends with, and when I can't get on to write. It's frustrating beyond belief that not only can I not write my plots, but that I'm also holding up other plots and that it's probably frustrating other people who are writing as well. Overall, sucky situation for most involved. Not for my siblings and my friends. My parents get stressed out, and they're more than a little unfun when they are. I always have someone to lean on, I have friends I can call and people who will help me through things. I can, and have, been able to vent out to my close friends and then hop right back on the RPing band wagon. My siblings however are going through the same crap I have to when my parents get like that, and they need me to be there for them during it. I also have friends going through shit and I will, now and always, drop everything I'm doing to help my friends when they need it; they do the same for me. The annoying part of this for anyone I RP with, is that our plots or relationships get put on standby. I know this is annoying and I apologize for the numerous times it's happened. However, it's never going to stop. I don't know if I've been looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or what the hell, but life isn't just going to suddenly fix itself and stay so for any length of time of foreseeable time. When I started Sheer Pandemonium, life was going ec-fucking-statically wonderful. Save my RPing life because I hated the com I was involved in. So I made SP, met a lot of people I still love, and could not be happier with how that all went. But I don't have the kind of time I have from say... May to late July. I still love my board, and I like Frankie, and I like that most people love how I RP him. I still like the other RPs I'm involved in, and I still like everyone I met in these role-plays. Problem is, time. I have a life. I might not have a social life, but I do have a family life and friends whose lives mean so much to me that I can't even begin to describe it. If you are RPing with me, I love role-playing with you. If I don't like role-playing with someone, I let them know what doesn't work in the RP and we figure out whether we can fix it or whether we're just not gonna enjoy RPing together. So, love you all, but I'm not gonna be super active. I know a few people I RP with that are either going through the same kind of schedule for similar reasons, and others that can wait until the dawn of time for my life to settle down so that we can role-play, but not everyone can. So if we have a relationship going and you'd rather RP a relationship with an  active Role-Player, just let me know. IM me, leave a comment, or e-mail if you have that. Apologies to everyone I put on hold, I really thought I was gonna be able to sort this all out.

Alright, here's another ramble... fasten your seat belts. This isn't directed toward anyone, lol trust me. This is me trying to get how I feel out, after talking to someone about it and them having to go. <3 you all. Feel free to comment, and keep in mind that I'm obviously not trying to piss you off. I'm just getting my emotions out there in one of the few places I can. This is how I feel, you don't have to agree with it and I'm open to listening to how you feel, but this is me. Not me trying to please someone else, and not me trying to sate someone else by agreeing with their opinion. Me.

So what exactly is a poser? Someone who pretends to be something they aren't. Alright, so what about all the 'lame emo kids'? What exactly gives one specific person the right to say that someone is being a poser? Or that someone doesn't know what they're talking about? I don't really think anyone does.

Emo=Emotional. Yes, Emo is a scene as well as a music Genre and a fashion statement. The word 'emo' stemmed off the word 'emotional.' If you want to make a statement, and you're passionate about it, then you make your fucking statement. If your in the emo outlet? Well then part of that statement could very well be dying your hair, piercing your lip, wearing black clothes or plaid clothes, tight clothes and the like. How can expressing yourself through a style, listening to music that fits your liking, and expressing your opinions through art, writing, music and your own words, be posing? How fucking frustrating is it to listen to people say that you and the people like you don't understand what you're doing. That you aren't doing it right, or that you need to do something differently to be something?

I never have never, nor will I ever, care what clique people file me into. If I feel like wearing eyeliner and listening to MCR, From First to Last and wearing all the t-shirts and the tight pants... Well then most likely I'm gonna get put in a clique and a group. If you want to put me, or someone else, into that clique because of how we're expressing ourselves? Alright. That's where you've decided to put us. Don't tell us we're posers for being there. If I've decided that I am part of a certain clique because I agree with the viewpoints and opinions of a lot of people within that scene. Don't you dare try and tell me that we aren't doing it right. You don't have any clue what you're talking about. This is our clique, and our opinions and we fucking know what our own opinions are. You don't have to agree with them, and you can go ahead and decide your within the same group, we don't mind, but don't tell us we're doing it wrong because it doesn't fit what you're doing.

And my music? As in the music I listen to? It's mine to the point that I love it. Past that? It's the artists. It is their heart and soul and more often than not, their life story. Telling them they don't fit in to the music scene that they're in? You mine as well shoot them in the hand. It's theirs, they're the only ones who know how to work with it. You can't decide which part of it is right or wrong,  because it isn't yours.

In short. I'm me. Don't tell me how to be me, and don't tell my friends that they don't know the principals of being them. We don't need to fit your stereotype of our clique, we don't care if it pisses you off that we aren't who you are. We apologize for any inconveniences in your everyday life that this attitude may had caused, but we don't plan on changing it any time soon. Thanks.

So... there's my 1:00 AM ramble, on my seventeenth birthday. HEY! I'm seventeen now. That's my opinion on life, watch me look at it and laugh in ten years. Until then, lets not get into you telling me I don't know what I'm talking about.

Oh my dear god. What rhymes with orange? Door hinge. That's right, door hinge. rofl. My eight year old little sister just ran in here to announce "I KNOW WHAT RHYMES WITH ORANGE" and we're all thinking she's gonna say 'dorange' or 'borange' or something. NO! Door hinge rhymes with orange. lmfao... so awesome.

-Update, August 19th 07-
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